♔ call me captain. (sardothien) wrote in whatthekey,
♔ call me captain.

[fic] Breathe Me - EXO

Title: Breathe Me (University!AU)
Pairings: Sehun/Lu Han, Lu Han/Kai, Sehun/Kai, mentions of others
Rating: R
Word Count: 9077

Dance class is the only place where Sehun really feels like himself, and he knows he's not the only one. Their entire class is like this, a mismatched bunch of kids who were looking for escape, always too restless in their own skin.

There is Howon, who raps quietly to himself before class begins and sometimes is allowed to help out with the choreography. There's Yukwon, who has the widest smile that Sehun has ever seen and a high-pitched, cackling laugh that Sehun can recognize even with his eyes closed. Min is the only girl in their class, and had previously studied in the States. She looked sweet enough, but Min wouldn't hesitate to scowl and cuss any of them out. When they first met, Sehun felt that there was no way that a body that tiny could form such strong stances and move with such power—but it always did. Stumbling in late more often than not was Taemin, skinny and wiry with hair too long and dark circles under his eyes. He was one of their best dancers, but half the time he showed up to class high and unfocused, earning disapproving looks from their instructor.

And Jongin.

Jongin, the boy who wears his baseball cap too low, whose smile stretches tight and stiff across his mouth like it didn't belong there. Jongin, who sometimes comes to class with hot patches plastered all along his back, pulled muscles that Sehun knew wouldn’t—couldn’t—hinder him. That's because Jongin dances like he breathes—fluid, effortless, seamless. He dances like he knows that everyone's eyes are on him, dances until he looks like he's going to break.

Jongin and Sehun are by no means strangers. They're both in their first year of university and share a couple of classes together. Still, Sehun wouldn't exactly call them close. Jongin isn't unfriendly, but somehow there's a sharpness that bothers him. Sehun can see it in the way his wrist bones are too prominent, in the casual, flippant way he talks, in the unrelenting edge Sehun can always see in his eyes. But while Jongin might sometimes be unapproachable, he had never been rude, so Sehun supposes that they're kind of friends.

Sehun's life wasn't complicated. Wake up, eat, go to school, go to dance practice. It was a simple cycle that kept him busy, kept him away from the oppressive silence of his house and, just sometimes, even made him happy.

So when one evening when Sehun is watching Jongin lace up his dance shoes and an unfamiliar boy steps cautiously into the practice room, he looks up at the stranger and thinks, shit, because the boy is the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

The stranger is slim and delicate, with long legs and dainty wrists. A pair of large brown eyes peeking out from his blond bangs, and pink, soft-looking lips curved tentatively in a smile.

Sehun swallows. Not so simple after all.

"Is this the advanced class?" the boy asks in accented—though passable—Korean.

Howon raises his eyebrows and gives the boy an appraising look. Jongin merely shoots him a disinterested glance and goes back to tying his shoes. Sehun seems to have lost all speaking abilities, so Min smiles at him and says, "Yeah, we're just waiting for the instructor."

The boy smiles again—Sehun's stomach does a funny little flip—and sets his duffle bag on the ground. "I'm Lu Han," he says airily. "I'm a Chinese exchange student."

"Really?" calls Yukwon from his place on the ground. "Your Korean is pretty good."

Lu Han smiles shyly. "Thank you."

Lu Han spends the next five minutes awkwardly standing by the doorway until Taemin saunters in and flops down next to Jongin, eyes closed and hair pulled back messily. Sehun could smell the marijuana on Taemin's clothes even from the door and turns away in disgust.

Lu Han stays where he is, a look of confusion dawning on his pretty face, until a skinny woman walks up behind him and taps him on the shoulder.

"Are you the new kid?" asks the woman.

Lu Han nods, biting his lip.

Hyori smiles. "Good. Welcome to Loen Dance."

Lu Han, it turns out, is good at dancing. He picks up on their choreography quickly, but has a problem with his shyness that causes him to make tiny little mistakes.

"Oh god," he stammers when he accidentally bumps into Howon the fifth time, "I'm sorry—I just can't get this turn right—"

"That's because your form is off," Jongin snaps. "Your left leg is supposed to be bent when you enter the turn, not out the way yours is." Jongin narrows his eyes a little and cocks his head. "Are you sure you're even supposed to be in this class?"

And Sehun has to restrain himself from punching Jongin in the face—because, really, that was fucking unnecessary—and looks at Lu Han anxiously. To his surprise, the Chinese boy only looks mildly embarrassed.

"Do you—do you think you could show me, Jongin-ah?" Lu Han gives him a sheepish grin and Sehun is thisclose to strangling someone.

Jongin, on the other hand, looks slightly taken aback. After exchanging glances with Taemin, he shrugs and goes to show Lu Han the proper steps.

Sehun notices how Lu Han's eyes track the flex of Jongin's muscles. The sharp angles of his shoulders and the glistening curve of his neck.

He notices because he sees it too.

“Hyung, do you know anything about someone named Lu Han?” Sehun asks Baekhyun casually in the campus cafeteria. Baekhyun is a year above him and is, it seems, permanently plugged into their school’s gossip network. Sehun assumes that this is what results when you associate yourself with Kim Kibum.

The older boy gives a noncommittal shrug and shoves his sandwich into his mouth. “Can’t just give me a name, Sehunnie,” he says with his mouth half-full. “I need to know more.”

“He’s Chinese. An exchange student.”

Baekhyun chews thoughtfully. “Blonde?” he tries. “Auschwitz-skinny? Kind of girly looking?”

Sehun snorts. “That’s the one.”

Baekhyun smirks. “Yeah, I know him. He's from Beijing. I’ve seen him run around with Amber and Henry. I think his friend Yixing even goes to your dance academy.”

“Really? I've never seen him.”

“He's in the intermediate class.”

Sehun frowns. Apparently he and Lu Han have a lot more connections than he thought. This is no longer something he could take lightly, because now there's a whole string of people in between the two of them, a series of consequences ready to happen if he messed up.

His train of thought is interrupted by the arrival of Baekhyun’s stupidly clumsy boyfriend, who within five seconds manages to drop his juice, slip, and all but whack Baekhyun on the head with his lunch tray.

“Sorry Baekhyunnie!” Chanyeol says cheerfully, straightening his glasses. “Did I hit you? Hi Sehunnie!”

Sehun nods at the tall, wavy-haired boy. Baekhyun makes a pained face. “Why am I dating you,” he says to no one in particular.

"Okay everyone, take fifteen," says Hyori, wiping the sweat off her forehead. She reaches into her pocket to pull out her vibrating iPhone and steps out into the hall.

Sehun helps himself to a water bottle from the cooler in the corner. He's about to take a sip when someone knocks abruptly into him from behind. Sehun splutters and spills water down his shirt.

"Oh my gosh Sehunnie, I'm sorry!"

Sehun turns around and flushes a bright red when he sees Lu Han standing behind him with his hands clapped to his cheeks.

"Oh no, you're wet," Lu Han says somewhat guiltily and pulls a canary yellow handkerchief out of his pocket.

Lu Han carries around a yellow handkerchief, so help him god.

"Hyung—" Sehun stammers, going, if possible, several shades redder. "It's really okay—you don't have—"

"Don't worry about it, Sehunnie," Lu Han fusses, and presses it insistently to his shirt front.

Sehun crosses his eyes down at it, at the elder boy's long, delicate fingers on his soaked chest. Lu Han smiles prettily at him as he dabs at Sehun's shirt.

"Hyung," calls Jongin from across the room where he is blocking. "Can you bring me a water?"

Lu Han turns his head, smile and eyes bright. "Sure, Jongin-ah!" Lu Han grabs Sehun's wrist and shoves the now damp handkerchief into his palm. "You can keep it if you want," he says sunnily.

When Sehun leaves class later, he tries not to notice how Lu Han leans in intimately to whisper something into Jongin's ear.

Two out of four of their practice room walls are long, tall mirrors that span the entire stretch of the wall. These mirrors, Sehun has found out, make it easy to spot the mistakes he makes, as well as the mistakes from his classmates.

He also discovers that these mirrors are very useful in watching someone without being noticed. Sehun spends his free moments glancing at Lu Han in the mirror, at beads of sweat above his eyebrows, at the back of his neck where Lu Han's hair sticks to his skin.

And, more recently, the dark bruises at the base of Lu Han's throat. Sehun frowns at the sight, trying to do the math in his head, when another figure catches his attention. It's Jongin. Sehun stares at him through the mirror, and notices similar marks on Jongin's neck. His stomach plummets uncomfortably as Jongin meets his eyes in the mirror and smirks at him. Sehun averts his eyes quickly.

"Let's go out."

Sehun turns around to see Taemin standing with his thumbs stuffed in this waistband. He has what Sehun knew wasn't a cigarette tucked behind his ear and a slight upwards quirk to his mouth.

Jongin snorts. "'Kay."

"What," Min says disdainfully. "Like this? In our practice clothes?"

"Get over yourself," Yukwon sneers. "You know you'll get laid anyway."

Min flips him off, and Yukwon laughs. "Fuck it," he said. "Let's get drunk."

Taemin smirks. "Howon-hyung??"

Howon glances at Min, then nods curtly.

"Sehun? Lu Han-hyung?"

Sehun looks at Lu Han without thinking, who smiles and nods. "Sure, we're in."

Taemin smiles. He pulls a lighter out of his pocket and lights his joint. The smell of marijuana wafts under Sehun's nose as Taemin inhales sharply and blows out a puff of smoke. "Excellent," he says. "Tonight will be excellent."

The club was noisy when they walked in two hours later, as Min had absolutely refused to go in sweats. After being on the receiving end of an incessant stream of vulgarities and threats, they had all agreed to go home to change and meet up in Hongdae.

Yukwon had dragged them all towards the bar and bought them a round of shots. Min was almost immediately asked to dance and disappeared into the crowd with her guy, as Howon, eyeing them apprehensively, slunk off after her. Taemin downed his tequila in one swift motion and swaggered onto the dance floor. Lu Han playfully grabbed Jongin's wrist and pulled him along into the crowd, leaving Sehun and Yukwon alone at the bar.

"Another round?" Yukwon asks with a grin. Sehun shrugs and tosses back the next shot as soon as it was placed in front of him. He turns around to survey the dance floor, and sees Lu Han dancing in the middle with Jongin and Taemin. He's laughing as Jongin presses up against his back, and Sehun feels his stomach twist into tight little knots.

"You like him, huh?" comes Yukwon's voice, and Sehun turns back to him, startled. Yukwon smirks at him knowingly.

"Careful," he says in a low voice. Yukwon turns to look over at Lu Han, at his bright, bright eyes, and the pink flush across his cheekbones. "Once Jongin's got him, you've got no chance."

Sehun's eyebrows knit together as he watches the two of them. "You think Jongin's got him?"

Yukwon shrugs, pouring him another shot. "He's getting there."

Sehun is very, very drunk. He sways slightly on his bar stool, eyes scanning the crowd almost automatically. He gestures for another shot lazily, and Yukwon obliges him with a snort.

Sehun snaps his eyes back to the crowd, and nearly drops his glass.

Jongin has Lu Han up against the back wall, and holy fucking shit—they're making out.

Sehun lets out a wild cry and pushes away from the bar, ignoring Yukwon's amused calls.

Unfortunately, the dance floor is rowdy, and Sehun soon loses himself in the crowd as people push and shove past him. Sehun whips his head around, hopelessly lost, and sees no sign of Lu Han.

"Looking for someone?"

Sehun almost drops his phone and spins around too quickly. The world slants dizzily and Sehun looks up to see Jongin standing behind him. Sehun's mouth goes dry.

Jongin's jacket is hanging off one shoulder, jeans low on his hips. His neck is slick with sweat, heavy bangs pressed damp into his forehead, eyes half-lidded and clouded with alcohol. He looks like sex. And it’s hot.

Sehun feels a flush creep up his neck and the edges of his vision swim. "I—I was—"

Jongin presses up against him and winds his strong arms around his waist. "Let's dance, Sehun," he murmurs into his jaw.

Jongin is almost as drunk as he is, if not more. But that doesn’t stop Sehun’s face from burning up. His mind tells him to look for Lu Han, but Jongin is hot as fuck and he's grinding up against his crotch and when Sehun opens his mouth to say no, Jongin kisses him hard and sticks his tongue down his throat, swallowing Sehun's surprised moan.

This is wrong and ridiculous, but Sehun is dazed because Jongin's mouth tastes like vodka and he is rubbing purposeful circles into the small of his back. When Jongin shoves his leg in between Sehun's thighs, he realizes that he's hard. He is disgusted with himself for it, but it doesn't stop him from grinding his hips back against Jongin's groin.

"Fuck," Jongin hisses, and Sehun can feel him acutely through his jeans. Bits of his sensibility slowly chip away every time Jongin rubs against him.

Sehun tangles his fingers in Jongin's dark hair as the other boy dips his head to suck angry red marks into his neck. Jongin's mouth finds Sehun's ear. "Bathroom," he whispers hotly, and Sehun shivers helplessly.

He finds himself suddenly facing the crowd, Jongin's large hand firm in between his shoulder blades, and pushed in an unidentifiable direction.

The bathroom lights are harsh and glaring when Sehun stumbles in. All too quickly, Jongin grabs his shoulders with a low growl and shoves him roughly into a stall, pushing him up against the side.

"Ow—fuck—" Sehun bites out when his head bangs against the door.

"Sorry babe," Jongin breathes, but there is no apology in his eyes. He kisses him again, rocking their hips together until Sehun moans, keening, into his mouth. Sehun's hand flits unconsciously to Jongin's belt.

Jongin smirks and drops to his knees. "Not yet," he says, slipping his fingers under Sehun's shirt. Raising the hem a few inches, he presses an open mouthed kiss to Sehun’s hipbone, free hand sliding down to press against the growing tightness in the boy’s jeans.

Sehun's breath hitches and his hands find Jongin's mussed hair again. "Asshole," he whispers thickly as Jongin deftly undoes his belt and pulls his jeans down. Sehun's moans press tight to the back of his throat as Jongin mouths him through his boxers, tongue leaving wet patches of saliva soaking through the thin cotton.

He hears Jongin laugh, quiet and mirthless, before his underwear is yanked down to his ankles.

Jongin's lips are tight and hot around his cock, and Sehun smothers a groan into his wrist. The back of his head hits the door again as he tilts his neck back, hips canting up gracelessly into Jongin's mouth.

Jongin pulls back and smirks up at him, hand lazily stroking Sehun's length.

Sehun makes a strangled noise. "Kim Jongin, I swear—"

Jongin tightens his fingers slightly, and Sehun thinks he might actually die because it's stimulation but it's not enough. He squeezes his eyes shut.

"Yes?" Jongin asks him, infuriatingly calm. As if he were not in the middle of jerking him off at a painfully slow pace.

Sehun grits his teeth and tugs him closer. "Fuck," he pants. "Jongin, please—" And that does it. Jongin dips down and wraps his lips around his head, tongue pressed flat to the underside.

Sehun nearly loses it when Jongin pushes forward, taking him down, down, all the way down and Sehun is so close and bites back a gasp, when the bathroom door slams open. Someone walks in and Sehun's eyes widen frantically but Jongin's mouth is still on his dick like it's the most decent thing in the world so he smacks him hard on the shoulder.

Jongin chokes around his cock and pulls back angrily. "What the fuck?"

Sehun is about to call him an idiot when "…. Jongin-ah?" Confused. Hurt.

And Sehun's heart drops so low in his chest he's sure he's swallowed it.

It's Lu Han.

Sehun isn't sure how he manages it, but somehow he's managed to shove Jongin aside and run after Lu Han. He finds him nowhere.

Devastated, Sehun returns to the bar. Yukwon is gone—probably to hook up with some girl—and in his place, there is a slim-framed boy sitting hunched over the bar counter. Someone with blondish hair and delicate wrists. Sehun's breath catches in his throat.

"Hyung—" Sehun sits beside him at the bar. He watches as Lu Han's eyes focus accusingly on his face, then drop to his neck. Lu Han gives him a wry smile. "Is Jongin a good kisser, Sehun?"

Sehun had forgotten about the many marks Jongin had left on him. Heat floods his face, hand flitting self-consciously up to touch his neck.

"Hyung—I don't like him—"

"But you thought I did?"

Sehun stops. Lu Han is looking at him. There is no accusation in his expression. Only a mild curiosity and the leftover shadow of alcohol.

Sehun bites his lip. "Well. Yeah."

Lu Han makes a noise that sounds like something halfway between a laugh and a sob and turns back to the bar. "I thought I did too, Sehun-ah." He is silent for a while. Then, "It's okay if you do, though."

"Wait—I don't—I don't like him, hyung—"

"It's okay, Sehunnie, you don't have to pretend."

"No—what??" Sehun stammers, and he's all choked up because Lu Han sounds like he's about to cry. "Hyung—I like you."

Sehun can see the weight of his statement settle slowly into Lu Han's brain. The older boy jerks his head up suddenly, then turns to face him. All sense of decorum disappears completely when Sehun sees Lu Han's shocked and astonished face.

"What?" Lu Han's voice is high and small.

Sehun buries his face in his hands. There's a stinging in his eyes that won't go away. "Hyung, Jongin is an asshole. I don't like him. I like you."

Lu Han stares at him with such rawness and vulnerability it makes Sehun's head hurt. "Sehun-ah…." he says slowly.

Sehun can't take the way Lu Han is looking at him, so he presses his forehead into the bar counter. "Hyung, I can be good to you. Please." The words tumble out quick and unfiltered, but the alcohol is coursing through his veins and Sehun can't stop, can't stop. He's suddenly aware of hands in his hair and the burning feelings behind his eyes coalesce into hot, wet tears. The music of the club fades away until the only thing he can hear is the slow murmur of Sehun-ah over and over again. Sehun fists his hands in Lu Han's shirt and cries quietly, letting himself be lulled into drowsiness by the low cadence of Lu Han's voice and the gentle feeling of fingers stroking his hair.

The blackness of sleep comes rushing up to greet him.

Sehun wakes up to a pounding migraine and the sheer intensity of it makes him screw his eyes shut again. He only opens them when he realizes he's not in his room. Sehun sits up, blinking blearily.

He's sprawled out on a white leather couch in an unfamiliar living room, shoes missing and mouth bitter with stale alcohol. The apartment he's in is small but clean, with minimal wall decor and little color variation. Sehun assumes this must be the home of one of his practice mates, but whose? He pulls his phone out of his pocket and checks the time. 10:07 AM.

Sehun starts at the sound of a door opening and flips around on the couch to see a tall man walk out from a hallway, unaware of the stranger in his apartment. He is followed by a moody-eyed, dark-haired boy, arms wrapped around a pillow. The boy whines something in what sounds like Mandarin and the man chuckles, voice deep and resounding in his throat. Sehun has no idea who the hell they are. Panic rises in his throat like bile as he watches them make their way into the kitchen, waiting to be noticed.

The boy, it seems, is significantly more awake because he's the one who sees Sehun first. He makes a strangled little noise, hand flying up to grip the back of the tall man's shirt, other arm tightening around his pillow. The man's head whips around, expression tense, and Sehun all of a sudden wants to sink into the cushions. When the man sees Sehun, however, the thunder melts out of his features leaving only a mild irritation.

"Oh, it's you," he says, and turns back to the fridge.

Sehun is bewildered. "I—me—where am I?" he squeaks.

"Lu Han's my roommate," says the man, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I'm Kris."

Sehun blinks. "Where is he now?" he asks, very pointedly avoiding the possessive glare the dark-haired boy is giving him, still hanging onto Kris' shirt.

"He ran out about an hour ago for his doctor's appointment," Kris says coolly, pulling out a loaf of bread. "Zitao, let go," he adds in a gentler undertone to the boy, who complies reluctantly. "Do you have cash or a T-Money card?"

Sehun pats his pocket for his wallet. It's still there. "Yeah."

Kris pauses. "You should probably go home," he says firmly.

"Home?" Sehun asks, hesitant.

Kris gives him an admonitory look, and Sehun's objection dies in his throat. "Okay," he says in a small voice.

Sehun lets himself back into his dorm an hour later. He kicks his shoes off at the door and drags himself to his bedroom.

He pauses at the threshold and peeks in. Kyungsoo's bed is empty. Sehun slinks under his sheets and checks his phone one more time. 11:37 AM. He sighs and presses his face into his pillow, wishing he could stay in bed for the rest of his life.

When Lu Han walks into dance practice later that night, Sehun finds himself at a loss. He tries making eye contact with the older boy, only for Lu Han to smile tightly and look away. Something heavy settles into Sehun's stomach, and he spends the rest of practice casting worried glances in Lu Han's direction.

As soon as class ends, Lu Han grabs his things and looks in a hurry to be out of there, but Sehun walks up to him and grabs his arm.

Lu Han's head snaps around. "Sehun—" His voice is tight and strained, but cuts off and Sehun sees Lu Han's eyes focus on someone behind him, narrowing. He feels the sharp smack on his behind and Jongin's pleased snicker before seeing him, and Sehun winces at the hurt look on Lu Han's face.

Jongin tosses Lu Han an easy smile before hitching his bag higher up on his shoulder. "Goodnight, hyung."

The silence is heavy after Jongin leaves. Sehun is still gripping Lu Han's arm, and his nervous eyes dart up to Lu Han's face. Lu Han still isn't looking at him.

"You know, Sehun," he says finally, "you're a pretty bad liar."

Sehun swallows.

"Like when you told Hyori noona you had practiced that one routine even though it was obvious that you didn't," he continues. "It's pretty easy to tell when you're lying." Lu Han finally looks at him in the eyes. "So I know that last night you were telling the truth." He offers Sehun a stiff, tired smile. "I'm really grateful. For someone like you. That you like me for more than my face."

Sehun frowns. "Hyung—"

"But I don't think I can do this. I'm really sorry."

Sehun feels like he's just been hit with a train. "Oh," he says in a small voice. "Okay."

Lu Han brushes past him awkwardly with a mumbled apology and leaves Sehun standing there with tears in his eyes and emptiness in his heart.

It's nine in the morning, and Sehun's sitting in Econ, trying to will his headache away. Getting up this morning had been a struggle. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.

He rubs his tired eyes and tries to focus on the swimming numbers on the projection screen.

Krystal, next to him, pillows her head on her arms and rolls her eyes at their professor. Sehun tries to smile back weakly.

When class lets out, Sehun lets Krystal take his arm and drag him out, listening to her chatter away about things he didn't care about.

"Ohh, look, it's that transfer boy. I've always thought he was handsome," he hears Krystal sigh, and Sehun's head snaps up and there's Lu Han sitting on a bench outside his lecture hall. His breath catches in his chest when Lu Han walks up to them—Krystal's gossip comes to an abrupt halt.

Krystal's excited gaze flits between the two of them, delighted, and is about to open her mouth when Lu Han says politely, "Soojung-ssi, am I right?"

Krystal looks momentarily stunned into silence. "Y-yes, how did you know?"

Lu Han smiles warmly at her, and Sehun feels a small surge of jealousy. "I'm very good friends with Amber. Do you mind if I steal Sehun-ah?"

Krystal blushes. "Of course not, oppa. Go ahead!" She raises an eyebrow at Sehun, then excuses herself.

When she's gone, Sehun whirls around. "Hyung, what are you doing here?" he asks, anxiety building up tight in his chest.

Lu Han looks away from him and holds his hand out. "Let's walk, Sehun."

Sehun stares down at his hand in disbelief, and takes it cautiously. Lu Han laces their fingers together and pulls him to start walking.

"You know," he says quietly, "I was thinking I might have acted too harshly to you yesterday."

Sehun is so dazed that Lu Han is holding his hand in public that he nearly misses his words. "Yeah?

Lu Han keeps looking straight ahead and squeezes his hand tighter. "I was thinking. We should try it." His voice is strained.

"Try it—what?"

"A relationship."

Sehun almost trips. He stares at Lu Han's face. "What?"

Lu Han gives him a tired smile. "What do you say?"

"Um," Sehun is, to be frank, utterly bewildered. "I—okay? Wait, hyung, didn't you say—"

Lu Han cuts him off by bringing their linked hands up to his mouth and presses a gentle kiss into Sehun's fingers, and Sehun thinks desperately that it was never his decision to make.

Dating Lu Han feels like a surreal dream. Everything seems, all at once, so much more beautiful and lovely, and Sehun doesn't know if it's just because Lu Han is so stunning or if the world is that much prettier when you're happy.

There are several things that Sehun discovers about Lu Han during the next couple of weeks. Sehun finds out the hard way that Lu Han pours way too much sugar in his coffee, which technically is more milk than anything else. He is also obsessively neat about his bedroom, though everything else in his apartment seems to remain messy and forgotten.

Lu Han, Sehun also learns, is aggressive. Sehun discovers this when Lu Han pushes him up against a wall barely two days into their relationship and kisses him without warning, lips and hands curious and eager.

Sehun, having planned it all out in his head and wanted something sweet and tender and painstakingly thoughtful, is more than alarmed.

"H-hyung," Sehun stammers, trying to push him off as the older boy licks wet stripes up his neck. "Wait—I—is this okay?"

"Of course it's okay, Sehun," Lu Han murmurs into his jaw. "If it wasn't I wouldn't be doing this."

But sometimes, Sehun thinks, Lu Han is a pretty bad liar too. When Lu Han pushes him onto his sofa one night and goes down on him with a strange, desperate look in his eyes, Sehun can only stroke his hair with shaking hands and try to pretend that Lu Han isn't blinking away tears.

Sehun comes, hot and white, down Lu Han's pretty throat and ignores the hollow thud of his heart.

The first time Sehun works his hand into Lu Han's pants and brings him off in slow, steady strokes, Lu Han's eyelashes flutter shut and he whispers a name that is not Sehun's.

Sehun ignores that too.

It's the end of practice.

Sehun turns and puts his dancing shoes away. Lu Han is still in the bathroom. He's zipping up his bag when a darker hand catches his wrist and twists it behind his back and Sehun suddenly finds himself pressed right up against the wall.

"Hi baby," Jongin whispers, hot and wet and right in Sehun's ear.

Sehun's cheeks flush red with anger. "Fuck off, Jongin," he hisses. "Get the fuck off me."

Jongin laughs and presses himself flush against Sehun's back. Sehun squirms, trying to push him off, but Jongin has both his hands locked in a vice-like grip.

"Doesn't Lu Han look pretty when he comes?" he whispers, and Sehun stills, breath caught behind his teeth and Jongin slides a hand over the front of Sehun's pants. "Does he still say my name, Sehun? He does, doesn't he?"

Sehun screws his eyes shut, unbelievably aroused and furious all at the same time.

"Jongin, get off my boyfriend." Lu Han's voice rings out, cold and clear.

Sehun exhales, cheeks unbearably hot, as Jongin pushes roughly off him.

Lu Han's face is hard and expressionless as Jongin saunters his way up to him and whispers something in his ear. He smirks when Lu Han clenches his jaw.

Sehun finds himself at a loss when Jongin leaves, and tries not the wince at the subtle bite in Lu Han's voice when he forces out, "Sehunnie, let's go home."

He holds Lu Han's hand gingerly as they pass the walk to Lu Han's apartment in a heavy silence.

Lu Han tugs Sehun into his bedroom with a odd sheen in his eyes, looking both lost and determined all at the same time. Sehun allows Lu Han to pull him into a kiss, hands finding a place on the other boy's waist, and lets himself be dragged towards the bed.

Sehun's not sure what Lu Han is trying to prove, but he doesn't object when the older boy pulls him down on top of him. So they end up like this—Sehun propped up over him on his hands, Lu Han's mouth firmly latched to his neck. Lu Han whines, low and quiet, in the back of his throat, and Sehun thinks Lu Han has never been more beautiful.

Lu Han shifts slightly underneath him, and Sehun feels him press something small and cylindrical into his hand. It's a bottle.

He freezes and stares down at Lu Han's flushed face and glossy, expectant eyes.


Lu Han cuts him off with another kiss, arching up beautifully into him. "Sehun," he moans into his mouth, needy and desperate. Lu Han's hands fist in the front of Sehun's shirt. "Fuck me, Sehun."

Sehun inhales sharply, pushing Lu Han back down into the sheets. "Hyung, wait, I shouldn't—"

Lu Han's fingers tighten painfully on his shoulders, and the wild, frantic look enters his eyes again. "Sehun, please." His voice cracks, and Sehun falters, because Lu Han is so beautiful, and he's wanted this for so long.

But, as Lu Han brings their lips together, Sehun thinks of Jongin's earlier words and wonders wistfully if he'll ever hear his own name from Lu Han's mouth.

He forces himself to pull away, and ignores the confused way Lu Han stares up at him. Sehun cups his cheek and feels cold wet trails along his face. "I'm sorry, hyung," he says and sits up.

"Sehun-ah—" Lu Han grabs at his shoulders but he pulls away.

Sehun thinks he gets it, because he's seen it too. There's just something about Jongin. Jongin who is bright and burning. Lu Han had been drawn to the light, and momentarily, so had Sehun.

Though while Sehun had refused to be blinded, Lu Han was still grasping at empty air even as Jongin slipped gracelessly through his fingertips. Sehun couldn't be what Lu Han wanted.

He turns over his shoulder one last time, taking in Lu Han's stunned silence, and left.

The next week passes by in a blur. Sehun stumbles through classes, dance, and schoolwork in a haze. Kyungsoo notices and tsks disapprovingly but makes him his favorite dish for dinner and asks no questions. Sehun is grateful for that.

Eventually, Baekhyun grows tired of Sehun's moping and drags him out to Gangnam with Chanyeol to go shopping. Chanyeol insists they visit the aquarium in COEX and Sehun finds himself staring up through the glass walls at the deep, deep blue.

On the subway ride home, Baekhyun falls asleep on Chanyeol's shoulder and Sehun very pointedly ignores the way their hands are clasped in Chanyeol's lap.

Instead, he thinks about the Angelfish exhibit and the one Angelfish he saw by itself. Sehun remembers it swimming, looking regal and poised with its long graceful fins and delicately colored scales, and tries very hard not to cry.

"What happened to you and your boyfriend?"

Lu Han doesn't have to look up from untying his dance shoes to know that it's Jongin. "What are you talking about?" He tries to sound angry, but there's no bite.

Jongin walks in front of him and crouches down, lips quirked upward. "You haven't spoken to him all week. You guys having a lover's spat?"

Lu Han's lips set in a straight line. "It's really none of your business, Jongin."

Jongin laughs that calm, infuriating laugh. "Aww, it's not my fault is it?" He grins, all white teeth and dark lashes and Lu Han wants to punch him in the face. "You know me, that's just how I play. You know it didn't mean anything."

Lu Han finishes lacing up his regular shoes and stands up, ignoring him.

Jongin stares at him for a few more moments, then looks away. When he opens his mouth again, all the sass is gone from his voice. "You know, hyung, you two look pretty good together."

Lu Han looks at him, startled by how tired Jongin sounds.

The younger gives him a wry smile. "I think we both know that I'm not really the relationship type, hyung. I'm not really good for you." Jongin looks over to the corner of the room, and Lu Han follows his gaze.

Sehun is mirroring Howon, who is teaching him a tricky dance move with a lot of complicated footwork. Lu Han watches Sehun attempt to copy him and fail almost comically. A smile slides over his face at Sehun scrunching his nose up in frustration.

Jongin snorts, and Lu Han turns back to him, flushing. "He really likes you, hyung. He's good for you."

Lu Han looks again at Sehun playfully hitting Yukwon for laughing at him, a shy boyish grin on his face, and an anxious feeling fills his stomach.


Sehun freezes up because it's his voice. All warm, softly accented syllables, and Sehun turns to glare wistfully at him.

"What, hyung."

Lu Han flinches, but steps forward insistently. "Sehun, we need to talk."

"What is there to talk about?" Sehun snaps, and feels a bitter, vindictive pleasure at Lu Han's shocked expression. "I don't know what you take me for, hyung, but it's clear you're still hung up over Jongin. I'm not stupid."

Lu Han bites his lip. "I don't think you're stupid, Sehun."

Sehun turns around and glares at the floor. "You think I don't hear you whispering his name? I don't want to be your fucking rebound."

He feels Lu Han touch his shoulder timidly. "Sehun-ah—"

Sehun shrugs off his hand coldly. "I have to go home," he mutters before stomping off. He isn't all that surprised when he hears Lu Han follow him tentatively, but stares fixedly ahead, determined not to turn around and look at him.

Sehun's dorm is not very far, so he throws open his door, half-hoping Kyungsoo is home. He's not. Sehun sets his jaw and angrily kicks off his shoes.

"May I come in," comes Lu Han's small voice from behind him.

Sehun shoves his face into the fridge. "Whatever."

He hears Lu Han hang his bag up and the soft pad of his sock feet and then all of a sudden Lu Han's hands spin him around gently so Sehun is facing him.

"Sehun," Lu Han says quietly.

Sehun looks reluctantly at him.

"I know I'm difficult to deal with. I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I'm not used to being treated well, Sehun." Lu Han strokes his arm with his thumb. "You're so sweet and careful with me and I just didn't know how to deal with it." His gaze is so frank and honest, Sehun can't meet his eyes.

"Hyung—" he whispers hoarsely.

Lu Han smiles tiredly and lets go. "I'll leave you alone now," he says.

Sehun bites his lip and catches his wrist. "Wait—stay."

Lu Han looks at him, eyes bright and scared and beautiful, and Sehun can't help himself. So he kisses him.

"Sehun-ah," Lu Han breathes against his lips, bringing his hands up to Sehun's face. "My pretty Sehun-ah." He presses gently against his shoulders, and Sehun lets himself be pushed into his bedroom. He exhales sharply when the backs of his knees bump the bed.

"Is this okay?" Lu Han whispers, looking up at him through his lashes. "We don't have to—"

Sehun flushes. "It's okay. I-I want to."

Lu Han kisses his nose then pulls away. He sits on Sehun's bed and pats the duvet. "Come here."

Sehun swallows and clambers over to the older boy uncertainly.

Lu Han catches him by the shoulders and smiles reassuringly. "It's okay, don't be nervous." His voice is calm and soothing, yet Sehun feels his cheeks grow hot when Lu Han takes Sehun's hand and slides it under his shirt. Lu Han's skin is smooth and soft under his fingertips and, in a fit of boldness, Sehun pulls the piece of clothing off him completely.

Lu Han grins playfully at his dazed expression and tugs at Sehun's own shirt. "Your turn," he whispers.

It doesn't take long for Lu Han to coax the rest of Sehun's clothes off. Sehun almost resents the way he laughs at his embarrassment because he's naked for crying out loud, but at the same time Lu Han is stretched out languid and lovely beneath him and Sehun finds it impossible not to love him so much.

Lu Han kisses Sehun messily, reaching down to touch him, and Sehun finds himself bucking into his hand, groaning quietly at the soft friction of his fingers.

"Hyung," he gasps, fumbling with Lu Han's jeans, trying to pull them down. "Hyung, let me—"

Lu Han just laughs and wraps his arms around Sehun's neck, lifting his hips to help him.

Sehun is still not quite over the concept of turning someone on—least of all Lu Han—but there Lu Han is, and he's hard and waiting, and Sehun wraps his hand tentatively around him and strokes firmly.

Lu Han makes a pleased noise in the back of his throat and Sehun tries it again, a little faster, and likes the way Lu Han flushes across his nose bridge, all fluttering lashes and teeth biting lips.

"Sehun-ah—" Lu Han says, high and breathy. His fingers tighten over his shoulders and Sehun's sanity slips a little. "Do you have—?"

Sehun stares down at him blankly, hand stilling, until the question registers. "I—oh." He blushes a bright pink. "Hang on."

He scrambles off the bed awkwardly, self-conscious of how very naked he is, and fumbles around in a drawer until he finds the bottle. Sehun shakes his head at the label, recalling the unpleasant memory of how he acquired it.

"For our virginal flower," Chanyeol had announced dramatically, looking all too serious to be handing someone a bottle of lube. Baekhyun had been stifling his laughter in Chanyeol's shoulder.

Sehun cringes mentally and turns back to the bed. The sight that greets him makes him almost drop the bottle.

Lu Han is on his side, fingers working in and out of himself, making soft, panting noises that go right to Sehun's dick. Lu Han meets his eyes and bites his lip, and Sehun's mouth goes dry.

He nearly trips over his feet running back to his bed and pauses, fascinated at the way Lu Han's fingers disappear between his legs. "Can—can I try?"

Lu Han nods silently and Sehun clambers back onto his sheets. He spreads the lube experimentally over his fingers. It's cool, sticky, and very slippery. Sehun's cheeks flood with heat as he pushes a finger in, watching Lu Han's face tense up, and fuckfuckfuck Lu Han is so tight and hot around his one finger. Sehun goes dizzy with the thought of that same feeling around his cock.

Lu Han exhales sharply. "Sehun—another, please—"

Sehun complies, and Lu Han lets out a strangled moan, head tilting back to expose the pale column of his neck, and Sehun leans forward to press his lips to that smooth skin.

"Is this okay?" Sehun asks huskily. He is so very taken with the lean line of Lu Han's chest, rising and falling with shaky breaths.

He pushes his fingers in deeper and Lu Han gives a soft cry. "Yes—Sehun—oh my god—"

Sehun pulls his fingers out, ignoring Lu Han's unhappy whine, and leans over him hesitantly. "Can I—"

"Do it," Lu Han bites out impatiently, and Sehun almost laughs because he looks so good frustrated, but then Lu Han ruts his hips up into his, brushing their erections together, and "Fuck—okay," Sehun gets the point.

Sehun reaches for the bottle of lube but Lu Han snatches it from him and spreads it on his own hand instead. Sehun curses when Lu Han slides his fingers over his cock, slicking him up when all too suddenly they're gone and Lu Han is looking up at him expectantly. Sehun positions himself awkwardly and presses in a little.

"Um," he says. "I've never done this so—"


"Okay, okay—" and then Sehun pushes in slowly, slowly, slowly until Lu Han lets out a frustrated noise and reaches out to grab his torso and pulls him all the fucking way in. Sehun's mind goes blank with the sensation that he forgets himself until Lu Han hisses in his ear, "Sehun, move."

Sehun snaps his hips forward and Lu Han moans and his nails dig painfully into Sehun's sides, but he can barely feel anything other than the hot, wet heat threatening to suffocate him and Lu Han's ankles locked around the small of his back. He thrusts erratically, unable to stop himself, mumbling breathless nonsense into Lu Han's collarbone. Shaking, trembling hands find his hair and Lu Han's gasping gains pitch and that's how Sehun knows he's so, so close.

Sehun raises his head, bangs plastered wet to his forehead and looks at Lu Han, at his flushed, sweaty face and red, bitten lips and he is so in love it's ridiculous. "Hyung—"

Lu Han looks straight at him, eyes fogged up in pleasure, mouth open and quivering when all of a sudden "Sehun—" his head hits the pillow, back arching off the bed as he rides out his orgasm, Sehun stroking his hipbone softly.

Sehun's eyes fall shut as he falls forward onto Lu Han's chest, hips pounding desperately and then Lu Han's hands are on his face and he's whispering "Come on Sehun-ah, come on," and that's it for Sehun. That's it.

He comes with a shuddering rush and lies there with his forehead pressed into Lu Han's sweat-slicked skin until his breathing goes back to normal.

Lu Han heaves a content sigh, running his fingers down Sehun's spine. "You're sticky," he says matter of factly.

Sehun snorts. "No shit."

The sound of Sehun's front door being unlocked floats into the bedroom.


Lu Han stifles his laughter into his wrist as the door slams shut again, and Sehun grins down at him, legs tangled in the sheets and snuggled into his side like he belonged there.

Kyungsoo will probably deny him dinner for a week, but Sehun couldn't care less.

Lu Han hums happily and Sehun smiles like  an idiot up at his ceiling.

"So. Want to get dinner?"

omg what did i just write Q________Q
jkahsfldas so this fic is the product of me whining for a month straight to several people orz
if you guys liked this i would really appreciate a fic rec on tumblr ;~;
thanks for dropping by! golden trio is love <3 ;~;

Tags: !fic, #rating: r, *fandom: exo, au: university, exo: luhan/kai, exo: sehun/kai, exo: sehun/luhan
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